I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
