I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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