when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
