Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
