Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
