I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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