God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
