real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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