wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
