gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
