What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
