omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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