I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
