I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
