i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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