Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
