A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
