y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
