someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
