Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
