I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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