Got a toothbrush?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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