just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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