i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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