shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize