my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
