I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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