just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize