I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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