dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
