I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
