Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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