i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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