i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
