it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
