call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
