Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That's intense
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Be still, my beating vagina.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
