its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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