I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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