what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize