I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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