i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
