I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
