she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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