Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How does it feel to date your dad?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
