Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
