ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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