I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
