He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
