someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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