Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
