Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize