I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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