used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
