so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Rumble strips road head = magical
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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