i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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