if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
