She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
