peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize