Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
