I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
