I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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