...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
