One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
