Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
