Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
should my penis look like a turkey
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I will be naked everywhere
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
